"Jake! Seriously! Are you even listening to me? It's a fucking nightmare to think with this hangover. The most you can do is just listen to what I can say." I love it when she is annoyed, she wrinkles her nose and her lips puff out a little.
"Sorry, I was just thinking about last night. Remember when that guy tried jumping off the roof to confess his love for Manny?"
"He broke his legs, that was terrible."
"It was the most beautiful proof of love I have ever seen. Why don't you break your legs for me?" Looking up from her coffee, she puffs out her chest and squeezes her breasts together.
"Do you want me Jake? Do you want me so bad that you want to see me swan dive off a roof?" She whips her hair back and stares at me seductively.
Immediately we both start giggling. Life is cruel. Becky is a lesbian. Even though I might be in love with her I can't tell her anything about it because it would just ruin our relationship as friends, instead of invoking another step in the relationship. "How are things going with Lindsey? You guys move in together yet? I heard that her Dad was giving her a hell of a lot of trouble about the whole thing."
Taking a sip of her coffee she gave me an unfortunately familiar look. It's the look that your mother gave you as a child when you wanted to know things you shouldn't. "Now that's none of your business. That's between Lindsey, her Dad, and whoever they chose to tell. I can't spread around things told to me in confidence. What kind of a confidant would I be then? A shitty one, that's what kind I would be. Besides, they are all being over-dramatic about the whole thing. It's like a fucking soap opera." Putting her head into her hands she sighs. I hate seeing her so defeated.
What do you do when you love someone who will never love you back? How do you move on when that person has been your best friend for 10 years? I look at my hands, the light shadowing of dirt on them makes it look like I was out hiking.
"10 years." She looks at me confused. Why did I decide to do this now? I can't stand looking at her anymore and not being able to do anything. It will hurt her now, but it will save me a lifetime of heartache.
"10 years what?" She takes a sip of her coffee dismissing it as nothing.
"It's how long I've been in love with you. But... But I can't be friends with you anymore. Becky I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore..." Her cheeks turn red, but instead of her eyes starting to water her brow furrows.
"You can't do this anymore? What?! You can't be a good friend to me when my life is going to shit! My girlfriend is pulling me into her family feud. My parents disowned me coming out as a lesbian. I lost my job because I wouldn't sleep with my boss! But being my friend, is just too hard on you?!" Standing up she puts on her jacket and stares at me for a few seconds. "Sorry for being such a fucking burden. Go ask Daddy to deposit some money in your bank so you can wipe your tears. You don't know what real pain is. You're a sheltered child."
I sit alone for a few hours drinking the refills the morose looking waitress brings me. This date may not have went as planned, but I have another date at home. She's cold, but she can solve all my problems. All I have to do is pull the safety back.
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